Growing up in Brooklyn, I played street sports all weekend long and all summer long. Punchball, stickball, street football (where you made catches between parked cars—impossible to defend), playground softball, playground basketball, handball, and more.
But I never played organized sports. So, I never had a coach. I think I never wanted a coach. I have never wanted anyone to tell me what to do. I accepted the indignity of being yelled at and pushed around in basic training, but the Army was of course a special case. Indeed, and oddly enough, after returning from Korea, I was “promoted” to drill sergeant, and that I didn’t mind. I didn’t mind leading—I only minded following.
Are you that sort of person?
No doubt, most coaches are the sorts of people who seek out and accept help and who are willing to be coached.
But what about those coaches who are not particularly open to being coached themselves and who maybe have never been coached? Does that disqualify them from coaching? Is that some sort of fatal flaw?
I don’t think so.
Indeed, being uncoachable yourself might just be an advantage. If you are that sort of person, you might empathize more with clients and better understand their reluctance to open up, to take suggestions, or to be “bossed around.” You might hear yourself murmur, “In their shoes, I’d protect myself too.”
Your desire for autonomy and independence might make you a better ally and an excellent protector of the autonomy and independence of your clients.
Could be!
When I was in training as a therapist, there was a requirement that I be in therapy, at least briefly. I didn’t understand this requirement. Was I to dream up some issue just for the sake of experiencing the therapeutic process? I suppose the underlying assumption was that everyone could use some therapy—and if you happened to believe that you didn’t need it, that was probably just your denial or your lack of openness speaking.
But there is simply no good reason to suppose that every single human being has a mental disorder or a psychological issue that requires the services of a psychotherapist. That was the profession’s wholly self-congratulatory notion, that anyone and everyone would benefit from what therapists have to offer. The demand that I go to therapy made no sense to me—but of course I went, made up an issue, wasted our time together, and went on to get my license.
You would certainly expect a surgeon-in-training to witness surgeries and, at some point, to help with surgeries. But would he need to go under the knife himself? Wouldn’t that seem a little extreme? Let me be clear. I am not saying that never having received coaching is better than having received it. Certainly not. I am only saying that not having received coaching is not a disqualifier, or some sort of flaw or blemish.
I don’t think that a coach needs to have experienced coaching or be particularly coachable in order to be an excellent coach.
He needs wisdom, experience, compassion, and all of that; but, if it is his style or his personality to not relish receiving help, so be it.
To my mind, that is not a requirement. What is wanted is someone who coaches well, and not necessarily someone who has been well-coached.
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