Self-Coaching Question: What would make my life feel meaningful to me?
During the spring and summer of 2026 I’ll be presenting a series of posts on the art and practice of self-coaching. I think you’ll find this series valuable for your own purposes; and, if you work with clients, in your work with clients. Please enjoy! You can always reach me with comments and questions at ericmaisel@hotmail.com
At some point in life many people encounter a quiet but troubling question: What is the point of all this?
The routines of daily living—working, paying bills, managing responsibilities, filling hours with activity—can begin to feel strangely hollow. A person may appear successful by ordinary standards and yet still experience a sense that something essential is missing. This experience is often described as meaninglessness.
It may arise gradually, almost imperceptibly. A person notices a vague dissatisfaction with work, a sense of disconnection from their activities, or a feeling that their days are passing without real significance. Alternatively, meaninglessness may arrive suddenly, triggered by a life transition, a loss, or a moment of reflection that disrupts familiar patterns. Either way, the question emerges: Does my life actually mean anything to me?
This is the dilemma of uncertainty.
Human beings seem to possess a deep need for meaning. We want our efforts to feel worthwhile. We want our lives to feel connected to something that matters. When this sense of significance is absent, even comfortable circumstances can feel strangely empty.
Many people respond to this dilemma by searching for meaning as if it were a hidden object waiting to be discovered. They assume that somewhere—perhaps in a career, a relationship, or a calling—there exists a ready-made source of purpose that will permanently resolve the question. Yet meaning rarely works this way.
Meaning is not typically something we find fully formed in the world. Rather, meaning is something we actively create through the way we live, the values we choose, and the commitments we make. Self-coaching begins with this recognition.
Instead of asking Where is meaning hiding? we begin by asking a different question:
What would make my life feel meaningful to me?
This question is deliberately personal. Meaning cannot be dictated entirely by culture, tradition, or other people’s expectations. Those influences may shape our understanding, but ultimately each individual must determine what feels genuinely worthwhile.
For some people, meaning arises through creative work. They experience a sense of purpose when they write, build, design, compose, or otherwise bring something new into existence. For others, meaning emerges through relationships—through caring for family members, supporting friends, or participating in communities. Still others find meaning in intellectual exploration, spiritual reflection, service to others, or engagement with nature. [I explore sixty of these pathways to meaning in my book The Reenchantment of Meaning.]
None of these sources of meaning are universal. What feels deeply meaningful to one person may feel relatively neutral to another. This diversity is not a problem; it is simply part of the human condition.
The task of self-coaching is therefore not to adopt someone else’s definition of a meaningful life but to clarify your own.
One helpful starting point is to look for moments in your past when life felt especially alive or worthwhile. These experiences may have occurred during creative projects, meaningful conversations, acts of kindness, or periods of learning and growth. Reflecting on such moments can reveal patterns. You may begin to notice that certain kinds of activities or values repeatedly contribute to your sense of meaning.
Another useful reflection involves imagining a life that would feel empty or unfulfilling. Sometimes it is easier to recognize what we do not want than to articulate exactly what we do want. If you imagine a future in which your days are filled only with routine obligations and distractions, how does that vision feel? The discomfort you experience may point toward the kinds of experiences you genuinely desire.
Meaning also tends to involve commitment. Activities that feel meaningful usually require effort, patience, and persistence. Writing a book, building a relationship, contributing to a community, or mastering a craft all involve challenges and setbacks. Meaning does not eliminate difficulty; in many cases it gives difficulty a context that feels worthwhile.
This is an important distinction. A life devoted solely to comfort or ease may initially appear appealing, but over time it can become strangely unsatisfying. Human beings seem to need goals and commitments that call forth our energies. Self-coaching therefore encourages us to ask not only what feels pleasant but what feels worth the effort.
You might ask yourself:
- What activities or pursuits feel meaningful enough that I am willing to struggle for them?
- What values would I like my life to express?
- What contributions, however small, would make my days feel worthwhile?
These questions shift the focus from passive consumption to active participation. Meaning grows when we engage deliberately with the world rather than simply moving through it.
Another aspect of meaning is that it often develops gradually. Rarely does a person experience a sudden revelation that permanently resolves the question of purpose. More commonly, meaning emerges through repeated actions that gradually build a coherent pattern.
For example, someone who cares about creativity might begin by writing a few pages each day, experimenting with artistic projects, or participating in creative communities. Over time these small acts accumulate into a meaningful direction.
In this sense, meaning is less like a destination and more like a practice. It develops through the choices we make repeatedly—the ways we spend our time, the values we express in our behavior, and the commitments we sustain over the long term.
Of course, there will still be periods when meaning feels distant. Life inevitably contains moments of fatigue, confusion, or discouragement. Even the most purposeful individuals sometimes question their direction. Self-coaching does not promise that meaning will always feel vivid. Instead, it encourages us to continue cultivating it even when our motivation fluctuates.
As you reflect on your own life, you might ask yourself:
- Where does meaning currently appear in my life?
- Where does it feel absent?
- What small change might increase the sense that my days matter?
These questions do not require immediate or perfect answers. Their purpose is simply to keep the conversation alive between you and your life. So, as you continue exploring the dilemmas of being human, return to the central question of this post:
What would make my life feel meaningful to me?
And perhaps add another question that follows naturally from it:
What small step could I take today in the direction of that meaning?
In the gradual accumulation of such steps, a life that once felt empty can begin to feel meaningful again.
I hope that you’re enjoying this series. Please check out the Noble Manhattan Existential Wellness Coach Certificate Program and my latest books, Brave New Mind and Night Brilliance.
Check out Eric Maisel’s transformative courses in collaboration with Noble Manhattan—designed to elevate your coaching journey.
