Two very important things may be going on simultaneously in your client’s life. When that’s the case, where should you focus?
Take the following example. Marsha had been her husband’s caregiver for years. He had a terrible illness and caring for him took up an enormous amount of Marsha’s time and energy. She did manage to get to her filmmaking sometimes and even produced a short film that had some small success. But mostly, she took care of her husband.
Then he died. Two things followed. Tremendous sadness overcome her. And she was now free to pursue her filmmaking. Both confronted her: grief and freedom.
Her inability or unwillingness to resume filmmaking perplexed and disappointed her. She’d had all sorts of ideas for films and all sorts of intentions around filmmaking and here she was with whole days and whole weeks just vanishing. At the same time, she knew that she was grieving, and of course that pain and heaviness was affecting everything. What to do?
As a coach, you might think along the following lines. “The grief is going to take Marsha as long as it takes her. We can’t ‘cure’ it or ‘rush’ it. At the same time, it might be the case that getting back to work on her filmmaking might ‘take her mind’ off her grief, serve to meet her deepest intentions, and prove just all-around good for her. Therefore, maybe it makes sense to focus on ‘getting back in the swing of the filmmaking’ rather than focusing on the grief.”
That is, when two important things are alive in a client’s life, it may make logical sense to focus on one rather than on the other, maybe because you have the sense that focusing on that particular one actually serves the dual purpose of also helping with the second issue.
Let’s create some scenarios. In each case, which of the two issues might be the better one or the more valuable one to focus on first? What’s your logic?
+ Your client hates her job and feels tired all the time.
+ Your client would like to start a business and experiences a lot of social anxiety.
+ Your client can’t find anything to be passionate about and is continually squabbling with her aging parents.
+ Your client would like to form a band after twenty years away from music and is struggling financially.
+ Your client would like to train in a new profession and is worried about her health.
+ Your client is “addicted” to Internet surfing and is discouraged about the state of the world.
This is an interesting exercise, isn’t it? It can pay real dividends to wonder, “Might there be good reasons for choosing to work on one issue first, maybe because that would actually help with the other issue, too?” Of course, you wouldn’t unilaterally decide. But you might float the idea and see how your client responds.
This might sound like, “You know, focusing on your health might be good in its own right and also put you in a better position to start training for a new profession. What are your thoughts on that?” Your client might agree; or affirm that she wants to work on both at the same time; or announce that getting out of her current job is what would help her health the most, which is why she wants to focus on retraining.
That is, she may well have her own ideas. But, by making your suggestion, you got the ball rolling in a useful way.
To return to Marsha: her newfound freedom is confounding her and weighing on her; and so is her grief. Both are real, painful, and pressing. How might you proceed? Enjoy this little thought experiment.
This might sound like, “You know, focusing on your health might be good in its ownThat is, she may well have her own ideas. But, by making your suggestion, you got the ball rolling in a useful way.
To return to Marsha: her newfound freedom is confounding her and weighing on her; and so is her grief. Both are real, painful, and pressing. How might you proceed? Enjoy this little thought experiment. right and also put you in a better position to start training for a new profession. What are your thoughts on that?” Your client might agree; or affirm that she wants to work on both at the same time; or announce that getting out of her current job is what would help her health the most, which is why she wants to focus on retraining.
Check out Eric Maisel’s transformative courses in collaboration with Noble Manhattan—designed to elevate your coaching journey
Each week Eric Maisel provides tips on the coaching life. Come to take a look at his three programs with Noble Manhattan Coaching: a Creativity Coach Certificate Program, an Existential Wellness Coach Program and a Relationship Coach Certificate Program.
