A time may come in session where it makes good sense to say, “I wonder, can we stop for a moment and take a look at that?”
It takes a bit of practice to arrive at a place where you feel comfortable gently but energetically stopping your client’s flow. But that’s an important habit to acquire. If you don’t acquire that habit, many chances to deepen the relationship or to be of some help will pass the two of you on by.
There are many possible reasons for making that “let’s stop for a moment” call.
+ It might be that your client has just brought up some painful historical material and now is determined to rush on; and you decide that you want to take a moment to acknowledge what she has just shared. Stopping here might sound like, “I wonder if we can just take a moment.” Stopping in this way is likely what your client needs but can’t quite ask for herself. She would like to know that she has been heard—and you can “prove” that you’ve heard her by asking for a moment.
+ It might be that your client has brought up some recent success but, maybe because it seems too small to applaud, maybe so as not to seem prideful, or maybe because she hasn’t noticed that it was a success, she hasn’t acknowledged it as a success. Stopping here might sound like, “Whoa, let’s stop for a moment and celebrate that. That wasn’t so easy to get done. Congrats on doing that!” Not only will your stopping like that please her, but it will help her better understand what success looks like and that she is, in fact, having successes.
+ It might be that your client has been chatting about some challenging issue and has just let drop what you take to be an important clue—some telling experience in school, some ongoing conflict with a sibling, some chronic health problem. Stopping here might sound like, “Hold on a second. That sounded important. Can we spend a moment there?” If your client agrees to stop there for a moment, all you need to say next is “Tell me a little bit more about that.”
+ It might be that your client has covered a lot of ground and you have the sense that without a bit of summarizing the two of you are about to get overwhelmed. Stopping here might sound like, “Jane, let’s stop for a second. I need to summarize a bit for myself so that I don’t lose track.” Your client won’t argue with that, as she too will understand that a lot just got said. You don’t need to worry about producing some sort of perfect summary—just do your best to share what you see as a few headlines from what just transpired. Your client will appreciate your effort; and it will also give her a chance to catch her breath.
Calling for a moment is a rather important coaching “tactic.” Anything that you might want to do in session to help a client, from commenting to commiserating to making a suggestion to asking a quality question, can only happen if you believe that you have permission to speak up and if you can find the courage to speak up.
This may prove a stretch for you at the beginning of your coaching career, but it is one of those things that can become effortless with practice and experience. You can certainly get used to saying, “Can we stop for a moment?” and your clients will get used to hearing you say that—and they will welcome that thoughtful consideration.
Check out Eric Maisel’s transformative courses in collaboration with Noble Manhattan—designed to elevate your coaching journey.
