A coaching session is about to begin. You’ve remembered to smile. What’s the first thing to say? Maybe: “Good to see you!” Then you might inquire from the heart, “How are you?”
Many professionals do not have to greet you from the heart. Your plumber, accountant, lawyer, or doctor will likely provide only a perfunctory greeting — you don’t need much more than that from him or her. But as a coach, you are in a different category.
You aren’t a high-on-a-pedestal expert. You aren’t there to fix a problem. You have come to meet another person where he or she is most human, most vulnerable, most troubled, and most in need of support. Coming from the heart is a real, energetic manifestation of the support you intend to offer. So, you smile and say, “Good to see you! How are you?”
Of course, you might say something different. Maybe “How are you?” sounds perfunctory or off base to you. Maybe you’d prefer, “Good to see you! I’m very much looking forward to working with you today!” Or “Good to see you! I wonder, do you have a place you’d like to start?” Or, as a little icebreaker, and as this might be a first Zoom call with no sense of place, “Good to see you! Where are you calling in from?”
In each case, the intention is the same. You are opening with a smile, enthusiasm, and the announcement that you are here and that you are ready. Your greeting has a combination feel of rolling up your sleeves and giving a warm handshake. You are saying, “Good to be here!” and “Let’s do this!”
Of course, it may be the case that in a matter of minutes or even in a matter of seconds, the two of you will grow somber as the work unfolds. But in those first few seconds, before the real work actually begins, you get to set the tone by opening cheerfully, optimistically, and energetically.
It may not work so well to begin with, “Where would you like to start?” Many coaches are taught to begin that way, but that may not be the optimal approach. Your client has a lot on her mind and likely has many issues and challenges facing her, and that way of beginning demands that she arrive at a clear starting place.
Although it amounts to same question, it is rather better (and different) to say, “Did you have a starting place in mind?” By asking the question this way, you subtly acknowledge that your client may not know where to start — and that that’s okay.
It may be even better to say something like, “Great to begin! You mentioned many things in the email that you sent me. Does one stand out as the place to start?” This does an even better job of acknowledging and honoring that a lot is going on for her and that she may not know exactly which issue to choose to present.
Of course, you can also suggest a starting place. This might sound like, “Good to see you! Great to be working with you! You know, you identified several challenges in the email you sent me. I thought we might start with the restaurant you’re trying to launch? Does that sound like a good starting place?” To this, your client will likely nod or shake her head — one or the other. If she shakes her head, that means that she has a place where she would prefer to start, and so that is where you go.
In this way, you begin. It is easy, effortless really, and human-sized. Isn’t that a good place for two humans to begin?
Picture beginning. You’ve opened your Zoom window, and you’re waiting for your client to arrive. Her name pops up in the waiting room. As you let her in, picture yourself growing easy. When she appears, smile. Then say the first thing that you intend to say. Picture that sequence. It is the beginning of your excellent time together.
Check out Eric Maisel’s transformative courses in collaboration with Noble Manhattan—designed to elevate your coaching journey.
