The shortest distance between two people is a smile.” — Victor Borge
Your client arrives, let’s say via Zoom. You let her in and she appears on-screen. What do you do first?
Smile
This is not trivial. This is not a cosmetic pleasantry. This is you warming up the moment. Your smile doesn’t have to be radiant, but it is like a radiator. It warms the space and lets your client sigh into the space.
If, instead, you come in anxious and fidgety, fussing with the controls or nervous about the sound level, your client will remain in the agitated state in which she, too, has arrived. Such a setup will then be one of nervous energy for both of you.
But if the first thing she sees is you smiling … ah, that has such a calming effect!
Why might you not be able to smile?
Maybe because you have something on your mind. The answer to that? Clear your mind before you open Zoom. Exhale. Let everything go. And then … smile.
Maybe because you anticipate a difficult session. The answer to that? Predict that the session will go well. Visualize ease. Let go of the natural tension that comes with having to deal with another human being. Breathe. And then … smile.
Maybe because you can’t quite remember who this client is or what the two of you are supposed to be working on. The answer to that? Keep simple notes that help you identify and remember clients. A given note might be as brief as, “Lives in North Carolina, working on a science fiction screenplay set on Mars, mom recently passed away, issues of self-confidence, organization, and motivation.” Nod as you read your notes … ah, yes, that’s who she is! And then … smile.
Maybe because you fear not knowing what to do or what your client might throw at you. The answer to that? Deeply embrace that not knowing is okay. Don’t pay just lip service to that idea. Feel how true it is. Would somebody sitting across from you know what’s inside of you or what you need, merely by virtue of sitting down and facing you? No, not hardly. You wouldn’t expect him or her to know. Give yourself that same permission to not know. And then … smile.
Your preparations might take you no more than a minute or two or even just a matter of seconds. You clear your mind, glance at your notes to remember who this client is, predict ease, open up to all that you do not know and can’t know (but can certainly inquire about), and get ready to smile.
If you regularly and routinely engage in these simple preparations, you will have created a complete preparation routine that will allow you to begin each session with a smile. And if you arrive smiling, that will warm your client, likely cause her to smile, too, and instantly deepen the session.
Think of arriving at an audition. Wouldn’t it help if the auditors smiled? Think of arriving at a job interview. Wouldn’t it help if the interviewer smiled? Think of entering your doctor’s office to receive medical results. Wouldn’t you feel instantly relieved if your doctor smiled upon seeing you? Smiles create ease and set the stage for good results.
Of course, there is no demand that you smile during the session, as during the session you may be dealing with serious matters. A session need not be and may not be a smiling affair. But that first smile … ah, well, that’s welcoming and important!
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