What is coaching?
Being of some help. It’s one person helping another person.
A new client arrives. You get ready to be of help. This sounds so simple! But what does someone in need of help actually need?
Well, if the problem is a leaking pipe, they need someone who can fix the leak. They would also like that person to come quickly, to charge a reasonable rate, to actually fix it and not just cosmetically fix it, and maybe to guarantee the work.
We have a rather clear sense of what’s needed when it comes to a plumber. We would like the plumber to be competent, honest, reliable, and perhaps pleasant — though pleasant may not be our highest priority. Getting that leak fixed is what matters most!
But what about coaching? What help is our new client expecting or wanting?
They may be able to say what is wrong — that they aren’t practicing their music, that their boss at work is bullying them, that they can’t find meaning in life, that they’re frustrated by their lack of motivation or commitment, etc. But to announce what is wrong is not the same as identifying what’s wanted or needed, or what they are expecting from us. Life issues are not like plumbing issues.
Let’s take as the presenting problem that your new client isn’t writing her novel. A plumber might look for a hole in the novel’s plot. And that might indeed be something that your client needs to shore up her plot. Can you help with that? Yes and no.
You aren’t a plot doctor. But you can wonder aloud if that might be an issue. That is, a major component of the help you are offering is putting things on the table. And if your client happens to say, “Yes! That is a part of the problem!”, what then?
Then you get to say, “Great! Wonderful that we’ve got that identified! And … what would you like to try?” A second major component of the help you are offering is aiming your client toward action. Those two together are both what your client needs and what you are offering.
You are putting things on the table and aiming your client toward action.
At the same time, you are being quite modest. Unlike a plumber, you are in no position to fix anything. No matter how bright your flashlight or how sturdy your wrench, you are not dealing with the equivalent of a plumbing problem.
Too much is outside of your control; too much may be outside of your client’s control as well. And, as the saying goes, it’s complicated. Your client may say that she wants to work on her novel, but she may have many reasons for not working on it, among them, for instance, that its theme embarrasses her by revealing too much about her. Well, that’s a fine pickle! This is nothing like fixing a broken pipe.
So, you are obliged to be modest and hold what you are doing as “helping a little.” Yes, you may ultimately help a lot. And it is fine to hope that you may help a lot. But it is wise to come to that first session with very modest expectations — maybe only with the expectation that you will be able to get some useful things on the table and that, with your client’s assistance, the two of you will be able to find some things for her to try.
We can combine these ideas into a simple coaching mission statement:
“I am going to try to get things on the table, aim my client in the direction of action, and be of some help.” To do that is to do a lot!
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